The war at home

The war at home…

Like any war, this one too seems unnecessary and only the innocent (like me) suffer under the oppression of dictators (in this case my 4 year old son).

There are always countries that have nothing to do with the war at hand, but feels the need to bud in at any given moment (yes, now I am talking about the lovely but very nosy grandparents and the beautiful but know- it- al friends)

What started out as n feud between mother and son, has now escalated to a full-on war-zone with words of mass destruction and temper tantrums that could shock the universe. How did my sweet 4 year old son turn into this “my-way-or-the-highway” little sh*t?!   These days he keeps himself busy by cussing (I can probably see the Karma in that one), and demanding (I could blame that on SA’s “democracy”).

Firstly, I am not one of those millennial moms, I firmly believe that a good spanking is almost always necessary, especially with 4 year old boys!  The problem is that these days he seems to have grown immune to the spanking.  So now I have lost my ONLY bargaining chip, and he knows it all to well.

Mom-0 Mishka-1.

I have now resolved to ignore him. The problem with that is that people tend to find it unsettling when your child is franticly screaming at you in public while mommy is pretending not to hear him. Now I am getting looks from the general public… and if looks could kill…

Mom-0 and Mishka-2

Then I decide to try the very lame but very popular “naughty corner”.

He stands in the naughty corner, I high-five myself in the kitchen thinking that I have won, pour a glass of wine and compliment myself on being such a kick-ass new age mom! A few minutes pass, and I go check on my son who I imagine is learning a very important lesson. I find my son in the “naughty corner” which he has now decorated with my black permanent marker. I stare at him for what feels like an eternity, then I walk back into the kitchen and down my glass of wine. Well played Mishka…well played.

Mom-0 Miskha-3

So now it is time for “time out” (whatever that is) I Google “time out for 4 year old boys” and get

(So a 4–year–old would spend four minutes in time–out.) If you leave your … Instead of saying, “You were a bad boy,” say, “Don’t ever hit your sister.” Don’t yell at …

I laugh out loud while reading this BS, but desperate times…

The opportunity presents itself and it is time for Mishka to get his first ever Time Out.

We find a spot, I sit him down and explain very calmly without hurting his precious feelings that HE is NOT naughty, but what HE DID was naughty. I tell him that he needs to sit here quietly for 4 minutes blah blah blah.

He looks confused for a second, looks at me, tells me “NO!”, gets up and runs outside…

Now I’m confused and I have Time-Out by myself for 4 minutes while Googling “natural sleep remedies for toddlers”.

Mom-0 Mishka-4

So, these days I am apologising for my sons behaviour before we arrive anywhere. I sometimes lie and tell people that he is ill, just to have an excuse for his temper tantrums.

Sometimes I ignore his cries long enough so that someone else gets up and deals with the problem at hand.

Sometimes I have a bottle of wine before noon on a Saturday just to numb myself enough to get through the day.

I give him sweets before dinner just because I am sick of listening to him howl like an underfed animal.

He sometimes doesn’t bath for 3 days straight and some mornings I pretend that I forgot all about brushing teeth.

And while he is the love of my life, and parenting is beautiful, and children are such a gift and any other clichéd crap about parenthood, for now he is just n naughty little sh*t in need of a good spanking!

And that is ok too!