As most of you know, we had another baby boy, Maverik, about a month ago and while most people are under the impression that “ 2nd time a charm”, the truth is that a second child is a first for us… get it??
Yes it is true that you know what to expect regarding your c-section (still effing sore, but we get tougher), breastfeeding (nipples still look like raw meat around day 7, but you know it will pass), winding a newborn (you will get tired, but you will persist) etc etc.
There is also a book worth of “new to me” and “first timers”, some are fun… some not so fun.
Lets start at the beginning…
Time to meet Maverik.
So this time I go in for my planned cesarian ( first time was an emergency c-section and not at all what I wanted or expected). This time i had time to get my nails done, put on my pretty face and even spritz my favourite perfume, because… why not?
The first time I apparently thought that I was getting ready for a boxing match, wearing a sweatband and iPod. I looked like shit. This time around we got beautiful pics and because I was prepared, I was able to take the time to focus my attention on the small things I missed with Mishka the first time.
It’s 4 days later and we go home, finally.
Now… with the 1st one we got home to a quiet, clean, perfect baby room. I remember putting a sleeping Mishka (boy1) in his white cot while my husband and I just watched him sleep whilst thinking “this is easy” (we have regretted that thought ever since)
With Maverik (boy2), we got home to a semi clean home (most people would call it chaos) a jumping 5 year old Mishka “I want to hold him”, “mommy look at me”, “im hungry”, and while my husband is getting my suitcase from the car, Mav starts crying for a feed so I breastfeed with an open front door and open shirt and a Mishka who frantically wants “to taste” my other boob. ( for the record…he tasted, he cringed, my husband nearly fainted with suitcase in hand). I thought “what the f*ck were we thinking”
Our first night home…
This time I was VERY prepared after my c-section. Ladies, you know what im talking about. “Certain Things” don’t go as smoothly and regularly as it should. So I started with my Senna Green Tea to get things …going. (being a very pro-active, go-all-natural mom).
In reality, all I did was give my 4-day-old son the “shits” and spent our first night home in separate rooms, with a fussy, crapping newborn who I had to feed every hour to avoid dehydration. There were a lot of tears… from me.
Note to all: Never Use Any Senna Products When Breastfeeding. (If you knew this, which most of you probably do, you may laugh now…)
This was very much like the first time with Mishka. That moment you realise that this is your new life. That nothing will ever be as it was. I know all of the motivating mantra’s “change is good” blah,blah,blah… it does not make it easier though, and this time I had someone else to worry about too…Mishka.
I could see in those first few days that my precious boy was struggling. He would put on a very brave facade (much like his father), but I know those big brown eyes, and I saw the doubt and confusion that danced in his innocent little mind. How do you explain to a 5 year old that this little one that EVERYONE is fussing over is NOT your replacement? And for that first week home I felt my heart break with every “Shh! Your brother is sleeping”, “wash your hands before you touch his face”, “Be careful when you hold him”, “mommy can’t play right now, I need to feed”. I found myself longing to be with my firstborn, alone and got really frustrated when I could not put him to bed or prepare his food like I used to, in hindsight I realise that this was just me clinging to my old ways and routines. One of my dear friends said to me once “change indeed is painful, yet ever needful”.
Every little thing is gonna be alright
It has only been 3 weeks, but already I feel like a new person, with my old life just a distant memory. There is something powerful in being a mom of 2 boys, I feel stronger, more daring and and immensely proud to be mom to the Schnetler Boys. (Got a nice ring to it right??). I love the chaos that follows them everywhere they go, I’ve learned to embrace the trail of mud that is everywhere. I no longer see the need for a tidy home, I just need my family. I love somersaults, ninja games and sand in uncomfortable places. I love that I feel complete, still scared shitless at times…but utterly complete.