So mommies, we have all heard the terms…
The “since you became a mother you don’t have any time for us” or ” we never have fun anymore” comments from your besties without kids, and although there are some truth to these comments, there is a total different side to things than what you might think.
Since becoming a mother, my life has absolutely changed a lot, and yes, sometimes I may miss my old life, with my old pre-baby body and my old will to party, but NEVER have I missed my previous life more than I love being a parent.
That doesn’t mean that I do not miss my friends terribly, I do…
It’s not always fun for me to jump around swings and tractors and mud and dirty diapers. It’s surely not exhilarating for me to watch Peppa Pig for the umpteenth time, and to do the “peekaboo” game 300 times in a row because that’s what he learned at school today.
I see your photos on Facebook and Instagram and I live with a constant case of FOMO. I feel 100 years older than all of my friends and sometimes I do worry that I am getting too “old” too quickly.
Here is why I do what I do…
You invite us at the last second. You live moment to moment and I envy that, but the logistics of a “mommies night out” takes hours of preparation. I don’t have the heart to disappoint you again, so I say “YES” with an emoji and 20 exclamation marks. Let’s say for arguments sake that my kid is not ill or teething or breastfeeding. I have to lock down a babysitter. This takes time, effort, and sometimes begging. Then I have to prepare 3 possible meals, because no one knows what he is eating at the moment. Then I have to explain that he will only watch these dvd’s, he only wears these pajamas and he only sleeps with his blue pacifier at night.
Then I give about 50 “in case of emergency” numbers, rush to get dressed and pull out the driveway with a distraught little boy crying for his mother. I call the sitter about six times on the road to hear if he has stopped crying… he hasn’t, now I’m crying, I have no mascara left and I’m even puffier than I was before. We arrive at our destination and I’m already exhausted.
The party starts… After my husband and I give each other a pep talk on how “everything is going to be ok” and “we deserve this”, we decide to kick this night off with a shooter and we mingle! And we love it! I feel like my old self again. And I love spending time with you. I’ve missed this so much.
Then another shooter and another (I use to throw them back, back in the day) and boom… its almost 12 o’clock and time to alleviate the babysitter. We fall into our taxi and feel very confident with the fact that mommy and daddy are going to have some “quality time” when we get home…
We arrive home to a distraught looking babysitter and a very awake four year old jumping on the couch. We pay the babysitter and by her stare of death, I guess this is also the last time that we will see her. Daddy very valiantly offers to put our very awake son to bed while mommy freshens up (and by freshen up I mean stuff 3 pieces of take away pizza down my throat because I am starving). After about 30 minutes I go to see what’s taking so long, only to find both husband and son fast asleep in our bed. I want to get irritated with the situation, but soon realize that I have secretly wanted to be here the entire night. We cuddle, toss and turn and fall into a deep sleep…
The morning after…
This is were it really get interesting, but first, here is YOUR “morning after”
You wake up at around 10ish, have breakfast, sleep again, wake up at around midday, call the pizza delivery guy, watch an entire season of Game Of Thrones while having a detox facial and vitamin water.
Here is “Mommies morning after”
I wake up at around 6:30AM with my son pulling my one eyelid open and saying “mommy, lets play boat-boat” (and that’s a good day, on a bad day I am woken at 03:00 because my son has a stomach bug and now I am running around my own house a bit groggy trying to remember where my own medicine cabinet is).
My head! Everything hurts! My Head!!!! So I get up to get a Grandpa and try to play dead while my son uses my very hung-over body as a speedboat. I don’t care, nothing can compare to the agony in my head.
This game lasts a whole of 5 minutes, then its “get up mommy, I want some cereal please and I want to watch Peppa Pig, and I want some tea, and I want to go to the loo please”
I decide we go to the loo first, but when I see that shiny white toilet my headache suddenly drops to my stomach and nausea kicks in so fast that there is just no time… I run, I crouch and I vomit
While I am face down in the toilet losing not only my last shred of dignity but also last night’s pizza, my son decides that Mommy is taking too long … So he has his number one on the back of my head…
We shower, we make breakfast, we eat, we go to church, we go to the beach, we come home, we do laundry, we do dishes, we go to the shop, we pack tomorrows daycare bag, we play outside, we watch Peppa Pig, we play inside, we bath, we make supper, we take the dogs for a walk, we watch Peppa Pig again, we finally go to bed.
My dear friend, this is just one day in my life and although it seems like I am trying hard to put you off children, it really is quite the opposite…
I love being a mom! I love being a wife! I love feeling wanted and needed and depended on, I love every inch of my sons face, I love how he talks like me and dances like his father. I love who my husband has become since he has became a father, I love our small, messy house and our overweight dogs, I love falling asleep next to them and I love waking up next to them, I love going to his school plays, I love bakers day, I absolutely love my life, I even love Peppa Pig…
and I love you too… I guess what I am trying to say is enjoy every moment of your pre mommy life, but try to comprehend that when I decline, it is not personal, it is just my life and your life and they are worlds apart.
It does not make me less of a friend, just more of a mother
My husband and I were invited to a MAGICAL dinner party at a friend’s house, two weeks after I had given birth to our baby daughter.
We ate a MasterChef-worthy meal…starting with a butternut and gnocchi soup topped with mushrooms fried in a burnt sage butter, and then moving on to the mains of fillet steak, pumpkin ravioli and root veggies. To top off the delicious meal, we attempted to conquer a decadent chocolate and marshmallow cake tower complete with crunchy Horlicks crumbs!
It was a night to remember, and I am so glad I took photos of the gorgeous table setting complete with orange and yellow roses, fairy lights and floating candles.
The OTHER reason it was a night to remember, was that when we got home after midnight and relieved my mom of babysitting duty, I had been away from my baby so long that the milk was running freely! I clearly remember standing in the kitchen with a crying baby trying to latch on one side and attaching the breast pump at the same time in order to curb the overflow of milk!
Such are the joys of parenthood 🙂
Hi Michelle, It is amazing how a mother can experience so many emotions in one evening! Thank you for your wonderful story!
My daughter was. With her father for the night. I co-parent. I got home and my husband ask if I wanted to go have dinner with some of his friends. But I new they were in port Alfred for the night, we live in Port Elizabeth.
Before I new it-yes let’s ! Was coming out my mouth. So we hopped in the car and off we went.
I only ever really let my hair down if I am a considerable way away from my child. Know that sobering up takes a little longer these days then it used to.
My husbands friends had booked us into the hotel for the night. I’m a stunning room.
Drunk were had and an amazing dinner and then more drinks. And a few more! Finally my husband managed to get me off to bed.
After getting sick !! And ruining any idea of adult cuddles I was out.
The next morning I felt so ill that I couldn’t enjoy the hotels amazing breakfast. We drove back to PE were we fetched my daughter and had a lunch with my in-laws!
Lots of cream-soda was consumed.
As much fun as my night was. And it really was fun until the end and the next day.
I don’t miss my old life one bit. What I have with my daughter the relationship we are building is way more fun then I could have ever had my foot loose free self.
Don’t get my wrong mothering is hard and I do miss my old friends that I don’t get to see very often anymore .
Still wouldn’t change it for the world. So much so we adding another addition to the family. I have days where I wonder if I have gone insane. But I can’t wait for my moms-nights-in to come.
Hi Louise, We have definitely all been there! Cream soda and in-laws! Thank you for sharing your great story!
Has to be night spent over at a hotel whilst the grandparents babysat. No curfew. No babies waking at night. No eating at child friendly restaurants. All boxes ticked.
My most memorable night out was when my husband took me to a French restaurant. They served the best French authentic cuisine. I had no clue what he was up to because he looked very nervous. Firstly he wanted me to know what dessert I was ordering even before I had even got to getting to choose the mains. He was on and off to the bathroom sweating , I thought maybe he just wanted to go and get the dinner and evening done and was comming down with some type of bug. I proceeded to tell him that let’s just order the mains and not worry about dessert because usually I’m always on some sought of diet and sugar is not my thing. He suggested the flambé langostines they do it at the table. I just went along with it with a confused expression why he’s getting all adventurous now when I think he’s been a bit sick. The langostines come out all ready to be flambé by the chef at our table , my man pulls out a ring then huge flames from flambé the langostines come a bit to close to me something i haven’t experienced before , I jump up knocking my class of wine off the table , red wine all over my pretty yellow dress I was wearing. Hands over my face . Still in shock he drops to his knees proposing to me. A night I will never forget and I never got that red wine stain out that yellow dress.
When my little girl was 7 weeks old we had ‘Mommy’s first night out with all of my childless friends. Amazing dinner at a new restaurant with copious amounts of wine, followed by continuous shots at a karaoke bar. I wasn’t worried about my baby; my 2 17 year old nieces were staying over and looking after her, and by this stage she only woke up once around 3 am after the last feed I gave her at 7 pm. I left 2 bottles of expressed milk just in case she woke up earlier, so we were covered. By 2h30 hubby suggested that he and his inebriated wife start heading home, to which I graciously (ready sulking and reluctantly, yet responsibly) acquised to. Upon getting home after a 30 minute taxi ride, I see baby and teenagers are all sleeping soundly and all the milk I left is still in the fridge. Yes! Best mother ever – my baby didn’t even realise her mom slipped out for some pre-mom-like partying! Still feeling rather smug I start preparing the bottle, reckoning she will wake up any minute now. After stuffing my face (severe case of the munchies) and doing a pump-and-dump to relieve uncomfortably sore boobs, I end up going to bed with the bottle with expressed milk in a cup with hot water on my bedside table, fully prepared to jump up the second my baby realises she’s hungry. Next thing I know I wake up, it’s 7 am and I never woke to feed the baby. Did she sleep through for the first time? Could I be that lucky? A quick look at my bedside tabe quickly disspelled that idea, as the bottle with milk is gone. I shake my husband awake to ask of he got up to feed the baby (unrealistic expectation, perhaps, but miracles have been known to happen). He has no idea what I’m talking about. After my nieces woke up they confirmes what I have slowly started to dread: they woke up from the baby’s crying, fetched the milk from next to me, fed the baby and put her back to sleep, all without either of her parents even stirring. After a few minutes of feeling like the worst mother ever, I consoled myself with the fact that at least I was reaponsible enough to ensure we had people in the house who could look after her! Even with the hangover, little to no sleep and the overwhelming guilt, it was one of the most fun post-baby nights I’ve had to date!